Perfect Role

I wrote this so long ago. But I've been feeling a bit lost lately. Just confused as to who I am. And I recalled this poem. I don't know if this gave me complete clarity but I think it helps. I may not know what role I am playing right now but at least I know this didn't just come out of nowhere. I like being a theatre person but who am I behind all the different characters?

Perfect Role

Everyone thinks I’m at the top of the world

Not so

I’m an actor

Full of rehearsed scenes and practiced movements.

Sure I can be spontaneous, adding my own touch to an act

But I feel I can’t remove this costume

It’s weighing me down and becoming part of me.

I am becoming more and more like the character I am playing

But I play multiple characters

Who am I?

Am I a mixture of fictitious people?

Do I even have an original personality?

This stage make-up is covering my true beauty

And all these props seem so real.

I guess I have heard so many songs, read so many books,

Seen so many plays and movies

I seem to think my life should be a Broadway musical

But I keep changing the main character

The audience is getting confused.

How to end this episode of my life?

Should I conclude with a dramatic cliffhanger,

A humbling lesson for all ages,

A romantic happily ever after

Or a perfectly normal day?

What will attract more spectators?

What will make the actors keep performing?

Should I just forget everyone and tell it how it is?

Not care who’s watching or listening

And just make up my own character

Someone who is very similar to myself

Who has a knack for putting herself in other people’s shoes

A girl who might be just like you,

An amateur actor searching for the perfect role.

February 26, 2009